Lola goes shopping all of the time. I mean daily, on some days, twice, or three times a day.  As stated in a prior post, the art of Karaoking is a national past time in the Philippines, and so is shopping.  If Karaoke Mike is a legend when it comes to the disciplined, melodious sport of singing other people’s songs in front of a monitor with scrolling lyrics then Lola is the Babe Ruth of mall shopping.

Within a single day there are several drop offs of packages, plastic bags holding numerous types of goodies, house necessities and sh@t we will never, ever use.  Our basement is a warehouse of Lola’s shopping blunders and mishaps.  Already Dalton has a wardrobe for junior high school, and school supplies for his freshman year of college.  Unfortunately, by the time he gets to wear them the fashion of the day will have drastically changed, and Dalton will probably refuse to wear them or carry them into American History 101.

Lola’s generosity is infinite, and does not go unappreciated.  She is always so kind, and will go out of her way to buy the six cases of raspberry seltzer we will never drink and have no where to put.  Our house is small, and Lola’s purchasing power is immense.  I’m amazed the shopping has not slowed down, mirroring the turbulent economic times we live in.  Lola doesn’t know what a recession is, or the “s” word, savings.

Lola goes shopping.  Lola goes shopping all of the time.  Single handily, she is keeping the economy liquid.  Thank you Lola for the raspberry seltzer and the patriotic work you do at the cash registers of New Jersey’s malls.

Next Up:  Monday’s Piece

Resist. Multiply. Shop.

For many posts I have waxed poetic, and pontificated on the wondrous, comical doings of Karaoke Mike a.k.a Don Peligroso, my father in law. Make no mistake there are still volumes of material to come, but I want to be an equal rights advocate and spread some of my condescending love to my mother in law. When it comes to my in law’s eccentricities, enigmatic behavior, and true kindness, Karaoke Mike is the ying, and Lola is the yang.

Lola, Stella’s mother is full of unbelievable stories; honestly, I have no idea where to begin. I’ve been told when at a loss for a proper literary starting point one should begin with a name. I have an affectionate nickname for Lola. I call her P Diddy, you know Puff Daddy, Sean Combs, the hip-hop mogul, and international entrepreneur.

Here are several reasons why Lola’s nickname is P Diddy:

1. Never have I’ve seen her wear the same pair of sneakers, kicks, Jordans. Never. I’ve known her for 8 years. This leads me to believe she has an affiliation with the infamous Filipina shoe monger, Imelda Marcos

2. She has bling. Not real, real, Rap video’s bling, but crafty imitation stuff.
Then again it looks exactly like the jewelry in the horrific, redundant videos

3. She makes quick, red carpet appearances, coming and going in the night just like Sean Combs. Lola, at odd times, literally, is in our house for 1 – 2 minute time periods. You hear the door open, a muffled hello, some Tagalog, Strummer barks, door closes. P Diddy has left the building

4. Lola has a BMW mini, and a Lexus truck – she hasn’t worked in a year
(My take on this, my mother in law is a drug mule, flying back and forth between the Philippines and the States)

5. The kitchen in Lola’s house hasn’t been used since 1998. Every meal, every day is eaten out. Livin’ large son, livin’ large.

6. Taglish, the amalgamation of Tagalog and English, is spoken all the time by Lola. When spoken, when heard, it is easy to make the comparisons to ebonics, or the lingo poetically spoken in any American urban area. Lola and P Diddy could hold a five minute conversation right in front of you, using their prospective slang, and you would not understand one instant of the conversation.

So you see P Diddy is a suitable alias for Lola, my beloved mother in law. Consider this post an introduction, a friendly handshake with the unique, hilarious world I share with her. There is much more to come. A mucho.

Next: Last Shot Fired At The Alamo

Resist. Multiply. Bling.