Owen’s Life Lesson – Never Eat a Pregnant Woman’s Dessert (Coda)
102 days to go
Stella made her way up the stairs, and tears were dripping down her pretty face. No longer was I calm, and peaceful. Instantaneously, I debated, philosophized, defined, determined the meaning of “some”, and the dangers of not having any restraint when it comes to eating dessert. When the awakened bear entered the bedroom, a verbal lashing from her verbal claws tore me apart.
The topic of her dessert was just a brief two-page prologue leading into the Russian sized novel of character assault. My selfishness, carelessness, propensity for over indulgence, lack of concern, political affiliation, and religious beliefs were hammered down into the creaky plank of hormonal rage. Incoming. Fire in the hole. All hands on deck.
Maybe 15, 20 minutes later, Stella inhaled for the first time, wiped the tears from her face, and asked me if I spoke English.
“Do you understand what some means?”
My wife is fluent in Spanish, Tagalog (language of the Philippines) and English.
I said, ”Yes.” She proceeded to insult me in all three languages, a cacophony of international insults.
Lights were shut off. I said, ”Sorry, lo siento.” I don’t know how to apologize in Tagalog.
I didn’t sleep that well. Stella was snoring within five minutes. That mysterious briefcase in Pulp Fiction caused the film’s characters a lot of drama and trouble. The environmentally unfriendly dessert container caused me a lot of trouble. Strike that. My lack of restraint and misconception of “some” caused me a world of hurt. Stella is a lot nicer than I. She shares. I have to learn to do the same, and I must learn how to apologize in Tagalog.
Tomorrow’s Topics
Dean’s - A Word of Advice, Thank You Very Little
How are we coming along with the Star War’s Names
Resist. Multiply.
May 13th, 2008 at 4:52 am
Not the outcome I expected. You’re a good man. Go out and buy her another dessert. Of course after a good lashing in a few languages, you’ll probably feel inclined to go out and buy her a diamond.
Quick question. I have two boys but neither of the pregnancies carried over with mother’s day. If your wife’s pregnant, are you supposed to do something special for her on mother’s day?
May 13th, 2008 at 6:01 am
Steve, yes, go buy your wife something for Mother’s Day you cheap bastard.
Owen, forget apologizing, in English or any other language - DMS! She said you could have some dessert, eat as much as you want. She should have known better then to offer you some in the first place you pig.
Stay strong…
May 13th, 2008 at 6:10 am
I agree with Harry. You must buy the wife something for Mother’s Day. She is going through a lot and a little something goes a long way. As for the possible DMS - don’t worry about becoming infected, Owen. You have done the apology to avoid the possible withdrawal of sex as further punishment. Now that you have said sorry you can have some angry make-up fun! Maybe include a little dessert for her.
Stay strong and know that we’ve got your back, brother.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Every single day during pregnancy and after is Mother’s Day because they expect special treatment for the fact that they suffered through 9 months of pregnancy and now are suffering the hardships of being a mother to your children and of course a mother to us. We have to put up with this crap on a daily basis, from having to say “sorry” for treating yourself to something special for a change, to … you fill in the blank.
Sometimes we have to say sorry so that we can get a piece as Owen has had to do, but sometimes we also have to remember that we are father’s and we go through much of the same turmoil, frustration and rage that our female counterparts do as well…we just man up and suck it up which if they did sometimes, would make our lives that much easier.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Now we’re talking-stirring up the pot-having a dialogue-venting some frustration-voicing opinions-I’ll start the fire, you bring the drums. Let’s get the tribal drums going, sounding through the dark American night. I can sense a disturbance in the force, a changing of the guard. The tribe is growing!
Side Note - I just had a fulfilling goat cheese salad with walnuts and a sparkling water. Kidding! I just ate some raw elk meat, and grass to help the digestion process.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Kudos,
You sound angry and frustrated. Vent to us and tell your fellow brothers to come and vent, too. We need you and your fellow tribesmen to help us with the revolution. We do suck it up more often than not, and we do have to apologize too often.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:34 am
We should all be a little angry and a little frustrated. I’m not saying our lives suck, at least mine doesn’t, but the women always get the benefit of the doubt, the slap on the back and the big feel good hug. That’s what they want and that’s what they get. Here’s what I want…The benefit of an afternoon in the sun sucking down cold beer in the park, a high five from my bro sitting next to me and big feel good BJ when I get home then straight to bed…Happy F’ing Father’s Day in my Dreams.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Kudos - You need to get yourself a girlfriend…
May 13th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I’d get caught.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Steve - I did not do anything special for mother’s day. I look at it as bad luck, sort of picking out colors for a house you don’t own yet. Agree? Disagree?
May 14th, 2008 at 4:51 am
Owen, I agree with you. She’ll have a lifetime of Mother’s Days for you to be her slave. Your analogy is perfect!
May 14th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Steve, have you devised the Tribesmen greeting yet?